Parody: "Bernie Madoff's Blues"

"I'm grateful for this chance to speak, your honor.
To share the details of my Ponzi scheme.
I promised I would out perform the market,
Give my investors anything they dream.

Split strke conversion's what I called my gimmick.
As I held their investments -- just for me.
My clients grew, while others asked to cash out.
I paid them returns no one thought they'd see.

I printed phony trading confirmations.
I even fooled those dupes at SEC
I stole the wealth of families cross the nation.
I even stooped to rob some charities.

Soon economic times made me grow nervous.
Confessed to sons who told the FBI.
Please let my wife just hold onto our assets.
Don't send me off to prison 'til I die.

Horror: Theodicy (2:16)

Audiobook: In this episode, Chris returns home to face another ordeal as the voices torture him to make new concessions.

Parody: "Identity Theft"

Parody song about a D.A.'s report posted on the Smoking Gun.



All individuals portrayed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Claims made in the D.A. report might be inaccurate.



He told her she was only used for sex.
He told her she was only used for sex.
That really made her mad with photos that she had
He told her she was only used for sex.

She posted his nude photos on Craigslist.
She posted his nude photos on Craigslist.
And said he wanted men to talk dirty to him.
She posted his nude photos on Craigslist.

At least, that's what the D.A.'s report says.
At least, that's what the D.A.'s report says.
It's on the Smoking Gun. His photos they post none.
At least, that's what the D.A.'s report says.

The moral of this tale? Well, don't pose nude.
The moral of this tale? Well, don't pose nude.
Or pose as your ex-mate just to retaliate.
The moral of this tale? Well, don't pose nude.

"Mesmerized"

Poem about escape.


"Here you'll be anyone you're not.
Here you'll know anyone you won't.
Here you'll touch anything you can't.
Here you'll see everything you don't.

Welcome sleep.
Worries drift away.
Breathe in deep.
Floating on the bay.
Feel the stress
Melting down your feet.
Close your eyes.
Drift down to the deep.
Feel the calm
Counting back from ten.
Deeper still
'Till you wake again.

10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1

Here you'll be anyone you're not.
Here you'll know anyone you won't.
Here you'll touch anything you can't.
Here you'll see everything you don't."

"I'll get back up."

Poem about perseverance. Thanks for watching.

"Hit me, kick me, throw me on the ground,
Burn my house, lock me up. Things will turn around.
Drag my name through the gutter, kick me out of town.
I'll get back up. You won't keep me down.

Bills piled sky high on our friend named Bob.
Kids got sick, wife got worse. Next, his house got robbed.
"No, I won't be a quitter, just lay here and sob.
Family needs me.' Found an extra job.

Prom date raped her, left her in the cold.
Pregnancy soon arrived, prom date got more bold.
'You'll have an abortion. Do just as you're told.'
Instead she jailed him. No chance of parole.

Hit me, kick me, throw me on the ground,
Burn my house, lock me up. Things will turn around.
Drag my name through the gutter, kick me out of town.
I'll get back up. You won't keep me down."

"Friendship"

You look past mistakes I've made
All the hands that I misplayed.
Always have a friend to call.
Lift my spirits when they fall.

You turned 'round to lend a hand.
"Here to help." "I understand."
I was stranded on the road
Fearing my car might explode.

I was bedbound late in life
Missing my departed wife
You came by to share a meal,
Lend an ear, ask how I feel.

Thank you for the joy you bring
You have given everything
Don't deserve the gifts you share
Thank God I have friends who care

You look past mistakes I've made
All the hands that I misplayed.
Always have a friend to call.
Lift my spirits when they fall.

"Haters: Fight or Flight Response"

You're hanging out on Youtube when a hater comes your way.
Starts to call you awful names says your mother made his day.
So will you leap to take the bait, call him a dumb retard?
What if he knows just where you live and you become his credit card?

You're driving down the highway when he cuts into your lane
Then blows the horn and flips you off. Your blood it boils your brain.
Part of you wants to chase him down to have a closer talk.
But, he might have a weapon and maybe you'd no longer walk.

You're sitting down to dinner when a stranger rings your phone
To ask for cash for some weird cause. You really hate his tone.
Rambles on while your food gets cold, calls back when you hang up.
Will you set legal limits or will your violent rage erupt?